Do It
by Adeosun Olamide
Summary: What change can do.


O.k. listen young man, it is not the end, not the end of the world, not the end of your life, not the end of a happy life, it should be the beginning of a new life, a new chapter, maybe it is even Gods own way of saving you again, this prescription you will give to the pharmacist, make sure you take the drugs, they are far too well too important for you, I implore you come visiting frequently for counseling the doctor said;  
My brain never has been so active, so absorbing and so understanding.  
Just yesterday, I felt I was growing far too old, I felt I already withered away, I felt the touch of weakness and a voice saying to me, calling to me, dragging me, I could hear voices in agony, voices in pain, voices in sorrow saying suicide is an option, it is the best option, you are sick, how will you ever survive this? Not this time, God is missing, He won't hear you even if you call to him, do it! Draw the curtain and in a twinkle it will all be over, all of it like it never happened. I felt heat within my soul and I was cold therein.

I wasn't living apart from my mother, my beloved mother, through smile or through cry she has refused to be apart from me, she has held on to me and no matter how much she tried to suit me I cried. Her pain was well concealed on her swollen face, she faked that smile and even my younger sister knew nothing was right.

She didn't deserve this entire, God, she served you, loved you, please take away her pain away, her sorrow, I heard my little sister pray.  
On my own face is the result of the test I did, everyone saw it written on my face so they did not bother asking and even if they did even I would tell them.

I was looking just as the beetroot not very far from the garden. How quickly good times go, how quickly smile while away, how quickly?  
I remember the days my dad would feed me and my sister, those days when he would drop us off in his beetle car in school, he would push the car before it kicked off and in the car he had big stones. In the evening he would buy yogurt and chocolate sweets for us, he would wash our uniforms while my mum prepared the best food in the world, but this same world came crumbling down when the devil took the form of a beautiful young lady and became our neighbor, at first our friend and then she turned a beast. My dad soon left my mum with bruises, he forgot our names, our birthdates, days went by and he wouldn't see us, we no longer had dinner with him, he no longer dropped us at school, he stopped coming to his church, our church, and that was it.

He died when I was twelve, I heard he died of HIV Aids, it was really painful and mum was the last person to stop crying.

As I sat on my bed, the windows closed, I bow my head to my lap and try to figure out who it could have been. Could it have been the tall beautiful Tolani or the well endowed Busola, or is it Cynthia? It can't be Linda, no it can't be, we did it just once.

They were strong girls and I said when I met them that they were the best thing that ever happened to me, I said then to myself that they were the best gift I ever received from God, I said nothing maybe in the world is as good as Friday night with Busola but now it is not so. It was never so, never…

I loved protection but I hated condoms, it so much drew the fun backwards and I felt awkward by using it so most times I did it unprotected.

Tears drawing close to my eyes, I remembered how the same killed my father years back. I remembered how my journey to hell started, I remember the send off dinner I had with my mother, siblings and pastor, I remember every word they spoke, how my pastor gave me a book to lead me all through my days, he called it the best gift he could give me, on the cover of the book is open heavens. I remembered how my mother insisted I do not stay off campus and how the pastor convinced her. I remember lots of things, I remember my dreams, and I remember now.

It was a sole journey, my soul journey of four years to a place I have never been, I have heard and read about cultism, of a student killing another over girlfriends, drinks and even football, but all this has never been my concern.

On that day, it was evening, Tunde, the son of my pastor, should be in his room. It was hard getting to where he stayed, as I banged the door tiredly, exhausted of the journey, I heard a female voice, I thought it's probably another mistake and then again I heard Tunde's voice, I knew his voice anytime. Tunde was a young smart boy, he is the baby face of our church and all parents wish they gave birth to him. He gained admission on a scholarship after doing his qualification exams when we were just in secondary school, he had topped the whole country and so he was awarded a scholarship to study any course of his choice in any university within the country. Tunde was also very versatile in the bible, he had such in-depth knowledge about the bible that even teachers approached him for bible knowledge. Everywhere Tunde got to he was loved. As I waited uncomfortably for Tunde to get the door opened to me, my discomfort grew the more, I hate cigarettes and now I can perceive it, I wondered where it came from but in a minute I knew it came from Tunde's room. Tunde had a fridge, a colored television, a radio and almost all gadgets we didn't have at home. At first glance that didn't catch my attention as the girls therein, they were puffing cigarettes and on the table I saw canned hard drinks. I coughed as I entered and Tunde and his guest, his female guest, welcomed me in all accord, still surprised at what I saw, Tunde introduced me to his friends, Tolani, Busola and Cynthia.

Opposite his room lay a dying kiosk, it looks like a pharmacy from afar but the only thing therein is a bold board with buy your condom inscribed on it.

Tunde has always been a model I could follow and everyone has always spoken of him in good tone, Tunde has never been wrong or corrected and right from time I have heard be like Tunde any time I err probably this is another world. I sat calmly on a well laid bed, I tried to sleep as the girls left minutes after I entered but I couldn't, the smoke remained still in the air.

There was a voice droning in me, in my heart, saying something, something very different, very different from what I have always heard. This is the beauty of life, no one to stop you, look at Solomon, see his lifestyle; will you let the moment pass by, this fun pass by? The voice kept coming and that night I saw beauty in sin, I now realized my sister is nagging, I realized my mum is a sadist and then the priest is a fault finder.  
I could feel life in here, one I might have always wanted, one I have never seen or felt.

That night I saw the moon glow and the wind blew my heart as it drove me to dreamland.

Early the next morning, I woke up seeing the room in a different shape, I saw Tunde studying and the new scent in the room was different from that I have seen anywhere.

The day looked pretty and delicate as I yawned on my bed, Tunde cut across that smile and I replied with good morning, on the table was rice with fried plantain, I quickly cleaned my mouth and back was I to devour it.  
On that day, we talked, talked and talked with the girls joining later in the day.

One of the girls had sat on my laps, and it fuelled something in me, one reaction I had not seen or felt before.

On the bed that night I thought about each and every moment with the girls as the wind blew me to dreamland.

I think I had a dream I should pray against but I didn't I even prayed for it, I didn't remember the beginning of the dream but I caught a glance of Cynthia and I was so intimate with her as I penetrated her in the dream. Early the next morning I woke feeling a bit uneasy and tired, feeling a bowl down my intestine, there was something sticky in my boxer short, it was sticky liquid and whitish no one had to tell me it was sperm as I remembered my biology teacher with her glasses, how she will say sperm looks like milk and all the big boys in the class will laugh, we didn't have a sample of sperm in our biology laboratory then though my school was the best, we had a court where we did all sport on, we played football, basketball, volleyball on the court and we did our early morning gathering there.

The dream told me and passed unto me a message not hard to figure, it tells you are matured mide, you are.

Soon my behaviors, attitudes and social customs associated with the opposite sex drew apart and with Tunde I opened a chapter, a new brand episode one that brought me here.

The first line of the chapter was if it looks like a hole, walks like a whore and gestures like whole, it is simply an invitation and you must grab it.

That was my first course in higher school, on the day I was to be examined, I didn't do too bad, and carefully I sorted the stages out. My partner was Busola, she had done it more than she could remember, her remarks were impressive and on it we continued the exam almost every weekend.

Gradually I killed conscience nonetheless there were moment when I realized how much I forgot God, how far I have gone away from Him, far away from Him.

Soon I graduated from Busola and tasted others, it was becoming too usual and not a week passed without sex.

I never knew the way to my faculty as I settled my class representative with goodies so as to include my name in every attendance list.

Weeks passed, and all through this moment I forgot venereal diseases, I forgot God, I forgot my pastor teachings, I forgot it all because of the pleasure I got on and on, one that pleased me.

Well it is my life, my sex life.

There were times I thought about mother, she trusted me too well and Tunde extremely well and didn't see any reason why I would change slightly and sin against my body.

Then it started the fever, the chills, the rash, night sweats, muscle aches, sore throat, fatigue, ulcer in my mouth.

I was ill and it was the worst ever.

And then I was healthy again but this time stronger.

All through the period of my illness, no one checked on me or called to me, I was alone, abandoned, forgotten and it made me feel I was of little value.

I knew I had to do something to be a little indispensable so that they won't go to club, to the parties without me in consequent times.  
So I got the girls back and like never before we had unprotected sex almost every two days.

But again the fever came, the chills came, the rash came, the sweats in the night, muscle aches and this time it came with a stronger force, even stronger than the former.

They were there for me this time; they took me to the school clinic. I was placed on drills and in two days discharged.

The cause they said was as a result of less sleep, not eating and mosquito. I was told to eat more often and get more sleep. They gave me tonic, milk and malt to replenish my blood.  
But then it came on and on, coming and going, my face growing pale, my appetite gone then my fears drew nigh, I couldn't sleep but I rejected it.  
What if it is a sexually transmitted disease, what if?  
Probably Chlamydia but I didn't experience painful or burning urination and then again I thought of gonorrhea yet again burning urination isn't part of my problems.  
I had no genital sore so syphilis or genital herpes was out of it. There was nothing growing on my penis so it was not genital warts, because I felt no burning, itching and discomfort in my urethra I knew it was far from trichomoniasis.  
It was beginning to dawn on me, but how on earth will I accept it, how? I knelt down and bowed my heads searching for God, I needed him now so I wanted so bad to get back with him.  
I prayed, I called Him to help me, to save me, to give me another chance and take my fear away. God kept quite all through, He looked at me only maybe because I failed myself before.  
That night I searched and searched and searched. I searched my Bible out, I didn't know what to read, where to read and so I just opened it somewhere.  
The book of Deuteronomy I opened, chapter five of the book. As I read with tears in my eye, flowing down my cheeks, I didn't need to realize his presence left me, I left His holy presence.  
That night I slept a desperate man, desperate for several thing, I wanted to get back with God, get back with my mother, my pastor and see a doctor the next day for a test.  
Early the next morning, I was at youth friendly, a center where I will see a doctor.  
I witnessed the early morning sun rise, it remain one beauty I will like to behold again, one I won't forget.  
I know miracles exist and they happen, maybe one will happen in my case, I wanted to keep waiting, I stared at the brilliant sun, letting the tiniest of breezes through my mind, that morning was beautiful it was the most beautiful ever. No one was there, only birds, the melody they gave through chirping and shrieking was one that would win more than a Grammy. The flowers produced an overwhelming scent one I held the breathe within. The breeze blew all my pain away, all my sorrows it took away and then the sun grew into hot, the birds flew away and the sight of the doctor brought back my pain.  
Why do you want to do the test? The doctor asked; he didn't await my reply when he said it is the best thing to do. There are several people that have been living with HIV for twenty years that I know of. HIV transmission occurs most commonly during intimate sexual contact with an infected person, including genital, anal and oral sex. He continued adjusting his glasses; his voice grew low as he continued. It can also be contacted through having direct contact with HIV infected blood. Anyone can have HIV; health professionals sometimes accidentally stick themselves with needles containing HIV infected blood.  
He talked about the mother to child transmission, about the baby in the uterus infection, how mothers pass the virus to child during pregnancy, labor, delivery or breast feeding, he talked on and on, he talked about the solution to the mother to child transmission, about antiretroviral drugs (ARVs), its necessity to infected mothers. You know mide, most pregnant women do not come for voluntary testing, counseling services so they do not have access or even know if they need the anti retroviral therapy, safe delivery practice, and sometimes safe use of breast milk substitutes, he said; then what about steering an awareness program? I asked; he talked about the cost and all of it and then it came back to me, to our government, to everyone in the society, how far a coin would go.  
He told me lot and lots of things, on that day I knew a handshake, hugging, kissing or even sharing dishes or bathroom facilities' with an infected person don't cause HIV.  
At last the result was out and I was positive, I cried and cried silently, God did save me, he made me realize at this stage and so I was lucky.  
You have HIV not Aids and with the right drug, right food, right environment you will be very fine. The doctor tried failing to soothe me.  
Human immunodeficiency virus is the infectious agent that cause acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), a disease that leave a person vulnerable to life threatening infections. The virus attacks the immune system (the body system that fights diseases). He held forth; there are drugs that have been developed to suppress the virus replication, thereby preventing the destruction of the immune system. The drugs target different stages in the life cycle of HIV, the drugs are known as antiretroviral therapy and they prevent viral disease that ravage the immune system, with the drugs your body has the ability to defend itself from infection and diseases.  
The day was far spent and fast gone, I walked like a fragile old man home that day and I didn't talk about it to anyone. In consequent days my mum knew and now I am on antiretroviral therapy but more closer to God, in his presence, I have kids now and my wife and none, I mean none is infected, with the virus.  
Today I am happy to be here and fulfilled you got here, I am lucky.  
HIV does not make you less pretty, less strong.  
I please plead that you go for check up.  
Don't let the last stage push you to and above all if not abstinence from sex, use latex condom.


End file.
